Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Sometimes I make a post, and it ends up followed with several emails asking me “why are you not a writer”, or “when is your book coming out”.  In fact, I am a wanna be writer, or I used to be.  I have several completed manuscripts, and even more incomplete.  Truth be told I think they aren’t finished or published simply because I am “Too”.  Too lazy for the repeated trips to try to find an agent, too sensitive for all the rejection from publishers because I don’t have an agent.  I do get satisfaction from the blurbs on my blog that do get responses.  That is enough for me, for now.

To me, good writing is like good sex.

While you are reading (and if you’re lucky while you’re WRITING it) you are so engrossed in it that the entire world around you disappears and all that is left are you and the words.  You become ignorant to everything around you as the words stroke and evoke each of your senses.  Each phrase, each stanza pulling you further and further in until you reach the end.  When its over, if it was “good”, you sit back and as you lift your cigarette for that wonderful drag of satisfaction you secretly wish you could go back in for just a second longer, all the while knowing going back probably wouldn’t be the same.  Completely satisfied, and left with the hope that the next time will be just as riveting, just as exciting, just as intense.

It really doesn’t matter WHERE you do it,  it doesn’t even matter how long it lasts.  What does matter, is that for the time you have it, it is the most enticing, emotional, stimulating experience it can be. 

For all parties involved.

They do rattle around in there, thoughts.  Sometimes, when I least expect them, they overwhelm me.  Usually when I need them, they escape me.  Today they are overpowering me.  So here I sit, intent on getting them out.  From mind, to fingertip, to page, and finally to peace.

There are many rolling around in there.  The caverns of my mind.  The most prevailing of them: When did it all change?

I sit here today, in my quiet house {well, as quiet as it can be with two pugs snorting for attention at your feet}, and I find myself wondering “when, exactly, did it all change?”  Where is it written in the Guide to Life that at some point life has to go from “Not knowing what you are doing until five seconds before you actually follow through” to “Every move, every moment, must be weighed and wanted”.  Change is inherently unavoidable.  Change, growth, it is the essence of life. I remember reading that part.  I comprehended and absorbed it, but at some point along the way, someone edited out the chapter that referenced how hard life becomes as an adult.

Today has just ended up being a quiet day of retrospect and reflection.  And sadly it seems in my life, I have come to a point that is impassible without contemplation.  Times are hard.  In these times, when money is less and less, and really doesn’t go as far as it used to.  For me a decision is waiting to be made…  Do I get a job outside the home to help with bills (the thought of which sent my girl child wailing in tears to her room screaming “I don’t want you to be away all the time again!”)  OR stay at home, and start weeding out the “extra” things that we have added to our lives because I/we “want our kids to have the things we didn’t” OR do I go back to school to get the paperwork that will allow me to, should I choose to, get a job doing something that will, at a minimum, sustain my spirit? *sigh*  These are the things that are weighing on me today. 

When you finally wake up, and realize that the things that were filling 5 years ago, no longer sustain your spirit… then what?

Is it greedy to strive for more for yourself, at the impediment of those around you?  What if that strife did not impede or impair but only left them in a sort of limbo with themselves while they wait for you to achieve your peace.  Part of me screams that is greedy.  “Bide by, eventually there will be time for you.”  What if biding is choking you, smothering you into sedated spirit? Can it truly be “living” if you aren’t “breathing”? 

Geeze, doesn’t this post sound depressing?  I’m not depressed, I am confused.  I am concerned.  I am contemplating.

What about you?  What brought you here today?  It’s a funny thing, blogging.  I wonder “why” someone would take the time out of their day to see what words are transcribed here.  Surely scrapbookers who come here leave unsatisfied.  I don’t do crafty posts everyday.  Im also sure friends/family, come and go, unsatisfied on the days that are scrapbooking days.  I suppose, it is a good thing that I do not write this blog with the intention of pleasing anyone other then myself. But I find, on days like today I really do wonder “WHY” exactly you came by.  Surely by now, fully realizing you just never KNOW what the days post will hold for you.  Will it be a “score” or will you leave wishing you could have that last five minutes back?  That is the risk you take by coming here.  So why do it?  Why read blogs?  Why follow on twitter?  Why friend on facebook?   Are you truly interested, or have you found that you have some “rattling” going on of your very own?  Hmmm, this paragraph and train of thought could probably become a post in and of itself. 

Blah,  I need to get out of my head. 

So how about you tell me, what YOU have on your mind today?  Spill.

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LOL!  How’s that for a blog post title!  heheh!  Just some pics, stories, and a quick request today.  I’m actually running late late.  School was on a one hour delay and it seems to have thrown my entire day outta whack.

a naughty boy

Do you have pet rules in your house?  We do here.  As in, NO PETS on the furniture.  Dog hair drives me insane!  Anyway…

So I climbed up on Bubs bed, to just chill and chat with my boy child while he played on his computer.  It definitely seems if I’m going to have ANY time with him at all, it’s going to have to be me going to talk to him.  Not vice versa. LOL! 

Anway, so there we are hanging out and he’s telling/showing me all about this fighting/fantasy game thingy he plays online when POP…(picture a meerkat popping up outta the desert.  LOL!) there was a pug in my face!

After about 10 minutes of giggling and me saying  ‘Get down Gump’…  I finally caved and sent Sis for my camera…

Here are some pics… enjoy.

Well hello there!

I say: “You know your not supposed to be up  here, right?”

he thinks: “yea, I know, but you dont look mad yet”

he thinks: “hey, that looks like it would taste yummy” lick lick

I say :  “OMG!  NOT MY CAMERA STOP!!!!!  Now get DOWN!”

he thinks: “Maybe if I play dead she will let me stay”

"is it working?”

I say :  “You’re not THAT tired Gump, now GET DOWN”

he thinks: “dammit.”  “Dang it”

he thinks:  “Rules Suck.”
LOL!

Don’t he look like CHEECH from Cheech and Chong?  LOL 

my happy girl

My Sis is one crafty child.

Here is her first “collage” style scrapbook page.  Its still in construction.  Im very proud of her.  This is designed and created 100% by HER.

This is an illustration for a book she is working on about a cat who is a teacher…

Did I mention crafty and imaginative?
She loves to create!

So much so that after hoarding her money for MONTHS, she finally decided to spend it all on… CRAFTING STUFF!  I mean, I buy her crayons, construction paper, and the like… but somethings, the more expensive things, she doesn’t get to use often.  So, she decided an order to Joann’s would be a great way to spend her money.

She was flopping around on the couch, whining and moaning, wishing her order would arrive when – low and behold there was a thud at the door.  It was UPS tossing her box at the door.  She ran and opened it as quick as she could!

Her very own, GROWN UP, crafting supplies.
Picked out and purchased with her very own MONEY.

She is…
a big girl now.

What did she pick?

Well, some TIM HOLTZ of course!  This child loves him, loves his videos, loves his pictures on his blog!  As in “Mommy, did you look yet?  Tim has a new video today!”  “Mommy, did you see?  Tim has a new tag today! *squeal squeal*”  LOL!  Yep, Momma’s girl!

Her very own STAMPS!!!!!!!!!!!

and REAL cardstock!  No more construction paper cards!!!  woohoo!

And stamp cleaner of her VERY OWN!

You will have to stay tuned people, because I am SURE there are many “child craft projects” in this blogs future!  Although, she is BEGGING for her own blog.  So we’ll see!

LOL!

and lastly  a request…

I am needing/wanting some new recipes.  Preferably ones that do NOT contain meat (or mushrooms, Im allergic!).  My kids are so dang picky and I have to tell you.  As a grown up one can only stomach so many burgers and so much pizza…  So what I am asking is…  post a great family friendly recipe on YOUR BLOG.  Then come on back here and add your blog link to this linky thingy mabob.  Myself, AND my children, will be eternally grateful!

ok people…
Im off to run errands, and try to make up that missing hour!  OY!
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